Big, exciting, happy time news!!!

Guess what?

After 8 1/2 months of toil and trouble my new shiny website – theeloquentsoul.com – is finished and ready for your eyes!!

Click Here to check it out!

I am super excited to share this new site with you all but first -

I need to tell you some important technical stuff.

I won’t be posting through this blog anymore, everything is moving over to theeloquentsoul.com.

If you are subscribed to this blog through the RSS feed you will need to go to the new site and sign up there for that RSS feed or you will lose me forever!

Good God don’t let that happen!

If you are subscribed to this blog through your email address I don’t think you need to do any more subscribing.

I am going to export your address over to the new site and all should be well. But, if you don’t hear from me by the end of next week something may have happened and it might be a good idea to shoot me a message.

And if you encounter any functionality problems with the site please let me know.

Also, I would love for you to share my site with the friends you think would really get something out of it.

Share it on facebook, twitter or in an email and know that I am soooo very grateful for your support!

This is an exciting time for me and I am honored to have you all along for the ride!

An Unreasonable Time

I played a part in my mother’s death.

Temperance bearing an hourglass; detail of Lorenzetti's Allegory of Good Government, 1338

It was an unwanted, unwilling part but I had made an agreement.

The kind of agreement that I prayed I would never have to fulfill.

Disconnecting a loved one from life support is not something for which there is adequate preparation.

It is wholly unreasonable to give an order to stop a machine that then stops a life – even though my reasonable mind knew that she was already gone.

Afterward, I wanted to make sense of the events. I had to know WHY this had happened to her, to me.

I needed some reason so that this horrible thing that had occurred might feel valuable.

And not the obvious reasons why things happened as they did like:

• She didn’t take care of herself
• I was the only choice to have the Power of Attorney

I wanted the Cosmic WHY.

But the truth is – sometimes these life tragedies never make a damn bit of sense. And torturing ourselves looking for an explanation is just that – torture.

It keeps us stuck in an agitated state of need instead of surrendering to the happening.

Being comfortable with the “I don’t know” of life let’s us say “And now I will be present for what is next.”

That is how healing occurs.

When we release the energy that is being spent on understanding what is not understandable we can renew.

This goes for all levels of tragedy that a person can get stuck on:

• Why didn’t it work out
• Why did she steal the money
• Why am I sick

And, to be clear, I am not saying that self-reflection is not required. This isn’t about asking yourself how you contributed to an event, I think that is very valuable.

This is about asking, “Why me?”

There is a difference between looking at yourself and realizing you are sick because you didn’t eat well and raising your face to the heavens to ask, “Why me?”

Identifying negative patterns that deliver negative results and learning through them is soul growth.

Wanting a cosmic answer for why you got sick and not someone else who didn’t eat well is soul stuckness.

Events beyond reason will touch all of our lives at some point.

Some very dear people to me are experiencing big, hard, traumatic, unreasonable times right now.

I wish for them the grace of not needing to know WHY so that the healing can begin.

For more on healing and this topic check out Caroline Myss’ book Defy Gravity.

The Beginning of the Middle

I am in a fight with my blog.                                                                   

Not that my blog cares what I think or feel, she is such a bitch. She probably doesn’t even know I am pissed off, so self-centered.

When we first got together we were best friends. I couldn’t wait to spend time with her. It was always exciting to see what she had to offer that day. And, I think she’s pretty too.

But we’ve been hanging out for ten months now and she is just turning into such a drag. I feel like she wants me to spend all of my time with her and sometimes I just want to hang out with trees and grass and stuff.

So much pressure.

Bleech.

But I wonder, if I weren’t throwing such a tantrum about sitting down to write, what my wiser self might say…

It might say that this is the beginning of the middle.

And we spend most of our life in the middle.

The thrill of a beginning ends and the satisfaction of a completion comes only after slogging through the middle.

The middle is often thankless, tedious, and definitely not sexy, but it is where we go to grow.

What are typically the toughest years of school while growing up?

Middle school.

I was taunted, teased and harassed in middle school but it made me find my legs.

It made me stand up to Yvette and say “Give me the basketball back!” And Yvette was huge.

It made me tell Angela to step off of my Hobo Halloween costume as I tried to exit the full school bus while she stomped on my pant leg.

But now I am being taunted, teased and harassed by my own damn self.

Questioning my talent, voice, and value even while I continue to show up to “class”.

I have to remind myself that attendance is a big part of the grade.

And once you commit to something you are actually agreeing to have your stuff, i.e. issues, come up and get in your face.

“Oh yeah,” your stuff says,” you think you really want this?”

“Yeah I want this,” you squeak back.

“Okay – then here is some fear, self-doubt, guilt, and how about some panic too!” your stuff roars.

And this is where people usually either:

• Quit
• Crumble
• Or reply -

Thank you stuff. Might I have some more?

You learn to deal with your issues only by showing up with them.

And they usually start to show up in the middle.

Muddle through the middle. Muddle through the middle. Muddle through the middle.

Even though you are POSITIVE you suck and won’t succeed – just keep showing up.

So, to my blog I say:

I’m sorry I said all those nasty things earlier. I think you’re totally cool and I hope we are best friends forever.

Outrageous Seduction

They had been lovers a long time. A sweeping history of romance and intrigue was theirs to reflect upon, which she did with quiet anguish.

Jacques-Louis David, Mars Being Disarmed by Venus

At first, as it is with many great love stories, he worshiped her on the couch that was her husband’s.

Brought her sweet presents.

Surrendered his armour for the grace of her arms.

Chose the succulence of Love instead of War.

Chose the succulence of her above all else.

They were delicately balanced and complete. The He and She of their lives was perfect.

But warriors, as he was, are also enraptured of hard edges. Hopelessly tangled in the web of struggle. They must fight.

He must fight.

Soon he was lost to her delicious curves.

Soon he was redressed in his armour. When he came to her couch at night the armour stayed in place.

She could not feel his skin.

The Battle became his lover and the Battle would not let him rest.

She could see through the slits of his closed visor that he was resigned to exhaustion. He would not allow her melody to lull him.

Where she was once plump and joyful there now lived a dry river bed.

It was at this point in her life, tiptoeing on the edge of hopelessness, that she felt who she was.

Her love of herself flooded in and her love of him, as he was a part of her.

She would not let the Battle take the Love.

The Battle would ALWAYS be there and she finally felt who was really in charge.

Not the Battle, not the struggle of life, and not her lover – Mars, she was the General.

Summoning her powers of seduction, her innate knowing of sweet rejuvenation, and her will to have Love above all else – when Mars returned that night he had no hope of resistance.

Venus carried him off of his stead, bedraggled in his muddy armour, and took him straight to her bed. A couch is no place for real Love.

There he was washed with silky rose scented water and her fingertips.

There his wounds were tenderly healed.

There he rested in her lovely arms, deeply.

She kept him there for days, wrapped in her ways.

When he felt called to the Battle she looked into his heart and said, “Not yet, my love, not yet.”

Venus continued to cradle the weary warrior.

It was not until one sparkling morning when Mars awoke with a bright desire, not tinged with feelings of  obligation, that she knew he was ready to return to the Battle.

Now his Battle, his Mission, would be met with a heart full of love.

Now he would fight the right fight instead of engaging whatever War was set before him.

Now he would come home every night to be seduced into beauty and rejuvenation.

Again they were balanced between the masculine right to struggle for Victory and the feminine right to fill the cup with sweet sweet Love.

Venus and Mars live within you.

Seduce the warrior.

It is the only way.

The Tiniest Fire

I watch the reality show Survivor.

I know, I know – I deserve whatever harsh judgments are hurtling through your mind right now. I wish I could quit you Survivor but…

One of the things I really enjoy is when the contestants have to make fire. They usually have a flint plus lots of kindling and it is still very difficult to do. The focus and patience required are intense and exhilarating. 

Then, a few years ago, I had the pleasure of watching a friend start a fire with two little pieces of wood and a small clump of hay. No flint, matches or glasses to focus the sun.

It took time and was mesmerizing to watch especially when he finally got one little smouldering bit to start smoking in the hay.  He then cupped the hay in his palms and blew softly.

Urging, nurturing, and coaxing the flame to grow.

What was so unexpectedly beautiful was how gentle the process was.

When I think of a fire it is usually in its full glory. Warm, crackling and growing – not a sweet tiny ember.

But that is exactly what fires start from and that is also exactly what our desires and passions start from too, sweet tiny embers that need pleasant persistent attention to fully ignite.

At the beginning of a year, especially, I think people make big plans based on intellectual ideas of what they think would feel good to accomplish and not necessarily what is burning in their hearts to experience.

And that list, the Heart Wish list, is what excites me.

What do you want to experience in life?

Not what do you want to accomplish, still important to know, but not what I am writing about.

What needs your intimate undivided attention to grow?

What tiny desire wants to flame to life?

Do you know what makes your whole body say “YES, I want to do that.”?

Some day these small flames might grow and make you money or change the course of your life.

But we will never know unless we cup our hidden, unreasonable, and “ridiculous” desires in the our hands and softly coax them to ignite.

What tiny fires are you starting right now?

Prickly Pants and Lotus Bottom

When I was ten years old my mother had a really great idea.                

We had just moved into a new neighborhood and there was a Prickly Pear Cactus plant growing on the street corner. And it wasn’t just growing it was bearing magnificent fruit!

My mama decided she was going to make jam out of that cactus fruit, something she had never done before, and my brother and I were the ones to go pick the fruit off of that cactus, something we had never done before.

So armed with nothing but a bucket and our sweet naivety we set about our task which seemed simple enough as the pokey parts of the cactus were big and easy to navigate around – for the most part.

It wasn’t till we got home with our bounty that we realized the cactus also had almost invisible needles that were now embedded in our fingertips and arms. Little tiny spines that couldn’t really be tweezered out cause there were so many and we were in such wiggling agony. Every time we touched anything it hurt.

I don’t even remember how we finally un-cactused ourselves but I do remember that the jam never really firmed up into jam it was more like a Prickly Pear syrup, still delicious… but eaten with a grudge.

That memory has been hanging around me lately as I deal with some uncomfortable situations.

I am a creative type person who would much rather write you a poem than figure out a business contract. In fact, if business contracts were written in rhyme I think we would all be much happier.

But when faced with the hard edges of business I start to feel the Prickly Pear needles all over my body. I get instantly agitated and wish I could crawl out of my body and into, oh say… Warren Buffet’s body for a while till the “business” is done.

A large part of this feeling is a reaction to perceived conflict that I am SURE is coming.

Also I have a really hard time asking for what I want. (Pathetic sigh)

But the other day when I was in my Prickly Pants I took a moment and thought:

What if this situation could be resolved with ease?

Instantly I felt calmer. And then I kept playing with radical thoughts like:

What if this situation requires softness and humor?

More relaxing happened.

Photo by T.Voekler

The picture of sitting in a Lotus flower (a giant one of course) and letting it float me gently down the stream to a resolution came to my mind.

I was almost giddy!

Not long after that I nestled back into my cactus for a while but kept experimenting with the difference between those two states, agitated vs ease.

The really exciting thing is that it doesn’t take much to change your state.

A simple picture held in mind can affect a physiological shift.

I think we are naturally inclined to tense and contract when we sense we are going to have to fight for what we want.

But I’m telling you, floating in that Lotus flower felt really nice.

And if I am going to have to fight anyway I would much rather do it from a soft velvety place.

A Pooh-y New Year to You

 

Harry Colebourne and Winnie 1914, Winnie-the-Pooh's namesake

In this first flush of New Year-ness I thought of all the advice on goals and achievements and so forth that is swirling around and since those areas are well covered here are a few guidelines about succeeding in life – based on some Winnie-the-Pooh wisdom.

To stay healthy do:

Some Stoutness Exercises while humming Tra-la-la.

I suggest the morning for these exercises but whatever seems like the Stoutest time for you will do. The more we move our bodies and hum the better we feel and the better our pants fit anyway… which is an even more excellent feeling I think.

About friends:

Company means Food and listening-to-me humming and such like.

If you don’t already have people who will listen to you “humming and such like” this is the year to remedy that sad fact. There is a Pack of Friends out there (henceforth known as P.O.F.’s) who want to hear you humming cause it matches the vibration in their hearts. Happy humming hearts are desperately desired!

When you are in a tough place:

Read a Sustaining Book such as would help and comfort a Wedged Bear in Great Tightness.

I think every hard, tough, icky, hollow situation that can happen to someone has already happened and been documented. It feels so good to know someone else has survived the Great Tightness you are experiencing. Pick up a book, blog, audio recording, lecture, class and help yourself through the toughness. And then hum about it or…

When the tough place is REALLY tough:

Sing a Complaining Song.

Sometimes you just have to kvetch and kvetching to a catchy tune makes it easier for your P.O.F.’s to stick around and help out. Everybody loves a good song.

When you realize YOU were the one who created the tough place:

I have been foolish and deluded and I am a Bear of No Brain at all.

Make sure one of your P.O.F.’s honestly believes that -

You’re the Best Bear in all the world.

And they tell you so. Because no matter how badly you may mess it up hearing “Wow you really messed that up” doesn’t usually help with the un-messing.

An excellent general rule of life:

A little Consideration, a little thought for others makes all the difference.

Not much more to add to this one except it goes for people you are angry with also which makes this rule a bit tricky but extra powerful if you can follow it when you are mad too.

The best first thought of the day:

I wonder what’s going to happen exciting today?

I wish for you all exquisite curiosity about your life and soft openness to receive whatever exciting thing awaits.

And remember that in all you will experience and accomplish this year it is important to Do Nothing also:

“How do you do Nothing?” asked Pooh, after he had wondered for a long time.

“Well, it’s when people call out at you just as you’re going off to do it, What are you going to do, Christopher Robin, and you say, Oh, nothing, and then you go and do it.”

“Oh, I see,” said Pooh.

“This is a nothing sort of thing that we’re doing now.”

“Oh, I see,” said Pooh again.

“It means just going along, listening to all the things you can’t hear, and not bothering.”

Happy New Year Dear Ones!